i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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