And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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