Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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