Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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