Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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