I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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