I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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