First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
