i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
