I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
