It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
