im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
