If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
