At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My life is pants optional.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
