I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
