the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
