So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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