so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
