I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
