She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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