so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
