I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
