Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
