dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
