Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My liver just had a heart attack.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize