Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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