I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i've created a new STD.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
