Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
