I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
