There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
