that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize