I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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