I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
