The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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