i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
