I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
