We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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