I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
