i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
