I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
did you just send me my own nude
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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