you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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