theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
