I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
