While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
