oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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