I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
