Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
