the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
