there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
