hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
