right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
