I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
