I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
