Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
