Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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