Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
