This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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