She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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