Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've blown a few things in my day
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
