and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
