Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
