Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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