Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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