he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How drunk are you?
Completed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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