Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
