This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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