I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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