We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
