I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
