oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
